Autumn rain

There is autumn rain outside. The air is fresh but a little gloomy. Some night birds are still in the reading room. May be the day has just started for us. A Korean guy have just taken a seat opposite of my desk. Here I am trying to understand, what I am feeling. I have certain task for tonight, but beyond this, I can feel, everyday is getting more difficult. I do not think I would feel comfortable in corporate lifestyle. I always prefer laboratory position with desired project. But I have to go for a job now. So, the air become gloomy.

Curious case of mindology

Human mind is surprisingly simple, just difficult to understand. It's all about circuits, a very complex circuit. The whole body is acting like a conductor for this circuit. Everything happens in my mind has the key in the electrophysiology of my neuron. I can not forget my past infliction, because my brain, my mind experienced enough fear, irritation, anxiety in my near past, those made my neural circuit pathway for anger, shout and desperate desire for escaping from the vicious cycle of emotional distress so strong that whenever I recall my past, I become angry and irritated. If I were a psychologist, I was suppose to be worried about my emotional imbalance. Instead, I am an electrophysiologist. This made a major change in my life. I know, all of my emotion have a root in my neural circuits. Either I have to make blissful emotion so persistent which can suppress my earlier emotional distress or I have to weaken the neural pathway of inflicting memory by inducing counter signal or disconnect the synaptic communication among neuron of that pathway. The psychological approach is dependent on the environment whereas if neuroscientist can reveal the integration mechanism of emotional process along the neural pathway, relief from emotional distress would be easier. This is just one example of my optimistic thinking. I know electro physiology is still in the era of finding out the sensory mechanism. So I am targeting to train my self by practical experience in  computational Modelling of sensory system. Any of the major sensory modelling project would serve my purpose of being trained. Once I become experienced in computational neuroscience, I would focus on my real ambition with deeper understanding.

Now the question is, would I be successful in managing a scope for my desired training? I do not know. I just know I have a dream. This is the first time I am thinking of my true ambition without any fear or emotional distress. When I came to Korea, I just thought about escaping from my troubled life. I was not able to jump into my desire. This time I just want to prove myself and snatch my future in My grip. I might or might not be able to, but I am not going to lose it so easily..